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This week, the grocery emporium had Chili Cheese Fritos on sale 3 for $5.00. Personally, I prefer Cheetos, as all my loyal readers and fan club members already know. But still, it is a corn product, and I am a good American. Maybe you can even grind them up and use them to power your car. Who knows?
At first I did not know whether I liked them. Then I ate a few more. Pretty soon half of the bag was gone.
Try some Chili Cheese Fritos today and see what I mean.
Miss Manager and me are in a bipartisan fight to keep carpetbaggers out of my park. These knuckleheads want to put a golf course there. They think they will get rich because it is the fanciest kind of golf course you can have.
I am here to tell you that the rich bipedal golfers who want to cart away my sand dunes and put in grass will sell you the Lost Atlantis Designer Golf Course if you give them enough money. It is not hard to figure out.
Here is what they are saying: "It is beyond exceptional, truly a once in a lifetime opportunity." It is true. You cannot get too many opportunities to spend $10 million to build a golf course where there is ice and snow 5 months a year. Also where the other golf courses go bankrupt.
They want to keep me and the boss out of the park because we are not rich. They think we do not deserve a world class golf experience. They say you cannot get any money out of nature lovers.
That is because they do not know how to shake them down.
As I reported yesterday, Management left me to rot at a place the bipeds call a "Care" Center. You are supposed to get all teary-eyed because they say they care about animals. Here is what they "care" about
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
I am getting ahead of my story.
In the first place, they do not have any computers at the "Care" Center. Also, they do not have WiFi. I could not even buy stamps.
My so-called room was a large cog kennel, because, quote, Arthur is a difficult dog to board. Oh, and, the charge will be $16.00 a day.
In case any of you "Care" Center people are reading this, let me remind you of one little thing: I AM SPECIAL.
The "Care" Center gendarmes did not want to go on a walk with me when I wanted to go. They did not like it if I slept in late on Sundays. They did not "care" that I must have pizza once a week or practically die.
No, they just toted up the bill and complained all the time.
Wait til you hear this. They said I could not walk, so the dog walker put my rear end in a sling made out of a dumb beach towel and pulled me around like a sack of potatoes. I am so sorry now that I did not think to poop in her shoes.
Anyway, I am not so dumb. When we go to court, my lawyer will get the cops to say that I walked to the Red Hot stand yesterday.
Well, you probably think I died or something. I do not blame you. The boss had me incarcerated in a care facility, only they do not care. They are mean and jealous. I have a higher IQ than some of the workers there, so it is easy to see how they could be threatened by a faster than average snail, let alone a blogging dog. The liberal losers out there will say, "Oh, Arthur. Do not be so harsh. Everyone is an artist. You have abnormal skills for a dog and most humans. Just because you are talented and superior does not mean you are better than the Arkansas migrant workers who malinger at the dog joint."
I digress. But this is my blog. I can say whatever I want.
Today I got arrested. I decided to take a walk, because the boss did not arrive to give me my lunch on time, and I do not like to be kept waiting. OK. So I was howling. Big deal. I wanted a footlong and some cheese fries, not that damned Beneful™ she shoves under my nose morning, noon and night. Full disclosure. I had some KFC recently and a dark chocolate Hershey's kiss with the purple foil.
Anyway, I decided to go out to lunch. Since when is that a crime? Only I decided to take a nap on the way. The cops saw me and called the dog warden. So I ended up 30 miles away in the slammer.
Boss woman was in full blown panic mode. She shows up with my water dish and a galllon of cold H2O - real smooth - like they don't have water in jail. Doesn't she know anything? (Hint: Answer to that question has 2 letters starting with 'N'.)
It cost her $35.00 to bail me out. They let me go on my own recognizance - naturally.
Tomorrow I think I would like Italian ... And I will write about my experiences in the Animal Care Center. Boy, will their ears be burning.
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