You have a lot of poor people to thank for the mess in your portfolio if you are like the author of this soon-to-be-discovered blog. (Are you reading this, Tracey? Any day now Random House will be calling, and it’ll be toot-a-loo, Trac, if you catch my drift.) Like a trash can with no steak bones, the market is made up of junk mail and coffee grounds, and it is because of liberal California
bankers giving money to illegal aliens and communists.
That is why I started the Arthur Corgi Closed-End Castle Fund. They already have a fund called Windsor and Kensington. Also probably Balmoral. You need a shelter in the storm. And I want to cash in on the collapse.
The Castle Fund invests in firms with a proprietary service, such as a license to steal. We look for products that can survive in a recession, such as cheap wine and pork and beans. Frito-Lay and Interstate Bakeries Corporation, makers of Hostess Twinkies, are on our “buy” list, because I, chief portfolio strategist, am never wrong about snacks.
Poor people do not understand portfolios, pedigree dogs or which fork to use in case the White House invites you over to dinner. Also they should have stayed in their nice, comfortable refrigerator box in the park or on Lower Wacker Drive. (That is in Chicago
.) What more do they want? Some of them even had a stolen shopping cart with all their smelly junk. Now they have an empty house, and they cannot pay their mortgage. They are bad planners, because they did not keep their refrigerator box, and they sold their shopping cart to the scrap metal dealer so they could buy a new remote for their HD TV.
You cannot hook up a TV in the park. But you can open a can of pork and beans if they have those pull tabs. You can use a stick for a fork.
Resourcefulness. That’s what made American great.
**Just around the corner
There's a rainbow in the sky
So let's have another cup o' coffee
And let's have another piece o' pie!
Trouble's just a bubble
And the clouds will soon roll by
So let's have another cup o' coffee
And let's have another piece o' pie
Let a smile be your umbrella
For it's just an April show'r
Even John D. Rockefeller
Is looking for the silver lining
Mister Herbert Hoover
Says that now's the time to buy
So let's have another cup o' coffee
And let's have another piece o' pie!
--Irving Berlin--
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