Today is Boxing Day in Jolly Olde England. Even though I am a Welsh American, I appreciate the Queen. She has such excellent taste in canine companions.
See here for the rest of my very fine column.
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December 26, 2007
December 25, 2007
Merry Christmas! (even to cats)
It is not like me to care. Well, not about anyone but myself - and the boss, because she brings Croque Monsieur - that is French for grilled ham and cheese - and chocolate Santas.
I must be in a good mood or something, because today I was nice to a couple of cats. I was eating some leftover stirfry with broccoli and beef - I have always been a broccoli man - cucumbers. too - also apples - sliced and peeled by the biped servants - anyway, as I was saying, I was eating a snack of stirfry waiting for management to rearrange my headquarters and give me fresh clean bedding.
Along come several cats. I let them eat the rice and onions. And I happen to like rice. I am sure it would count as sharing, even though I ate most of the beef pieces. They probably got some by accident. That would make it double sharing, because I like rice and I like beef.
It is sunny today. Not snowy. It is not white. So what? It is Christmas. I am sharing and caring.
Merry Christmas to all my blog friends and everyone else, too!
December 15, 2007
tout tout tout le monde
Today is Barney's party. I could not be there. As all of my loyal blog readers and fan club members know, I am on the No Fly List because I bit a baggage inspector at O'Hare. Instead we are tele-partying. They sent me actual real time food and party favors. Barney's people offered to hire management as a servant, so I would not feel like I was having a second-rate time, but she told them to stick it. Good thing they understand about me living with a liberal. I do not need her as a servant anyway. She opened the box of party food for me. That is enough.
They sent a cheese ball, filet de boeuf, Santa cookies, mini triple sausage pizzas, which, OK I take it back, the boss had to warm up, chicken nuggets and caviar. Also a stocking which I will hang by the chimney with care, ho ho ho, and a picture of Barney.
Barney is not trying to be green or anything. He is just nice. Some of us old dogs cannot stay up late any more at parties even if they are at the White House, and there is a raccoon practically tap dancing on our head. We cannot hear too much or see, but we still appreciate pizza and cookies. Also ravioli. And M&M's. And Cheetos.
Last year I went to the party on Air Force 3, but this year Miss Beazley got to use the plane for her friends. I do not believe in sharing or being fair, so I do not think Miss Beazley should have any rights. She is a dope.
LIVE UPDATE: Here is what everyone is talking about: Mutt Romney. We thought it might be a big, fat, liberal lie when the Boston Globe printed that story about his Setter. Let me be the first to say this: Setters are stupid. Still, it was really bad. Man, that guy - I don't care if he is a conservative, and he has family values - NOT. What do you expect? He is from Massachusetts - Liberalville. It rubs off on a person.
Jackson and Dave just showed up. You talk about ... I mean they are supposed to get there before Barney and Miss Dip S*it Beazley - I know I do not allow swearing, but she is the WORST! Their people are pretty weird. Jackson dressed up like Darth Vadar for Halloween. Dave was Superman. Doesn't that tell you something? Bizarre. The boss once wanted me to wear reindeer antlers to be in the ReinDog Parade. I went behind the bed, and I would not come out for 12 hours. I wear a plaid bow tie on Christmas. That's as far as it goes. And a black one for New Year's Eve.
I sent Barney a new board game called Nazi Hunter for Christmas. Since he is moving to Paraguay, I thought it would be fun. The Nazis are pretty old. But there are new ones. Barney's great grandfather was a front man sensible business man, and he made a lot of money off the Nazis did not mean to sell out America get caught upset anyone because they thought he was a traitor bad guy. The business of America is business. So what if he got advance tips on stuff? So what if his Nazi friends business associates needed a place to stash their cash if the peasants revolted?
MORE LIVE FROM THE WHITE HOUSE: Alan Greenspaniel is at the party, hanging around the punch bowl a little too much, if you ask me. India the cat just pulled the caviar and crudites off a side table. God, why did they let her in?
December 09, 2007
December 03, 2007
Beep! Beep!
There is a coyote named Charlie in Wyoming. He lives with a - snore - cat and a human. They do not like coyotes in Wyoming, because they eat sheep and chickens, and that makes the bipedal farmers mad. So, anyway, this Charlie has a blog. He does not write like yours truly. He is more like a Sears catalog model. The biped takes his picture every day. I guess when you live in Wyoming, there is not a lot to do.
Our Vice President comes from Wyoming. He and the Mrs. went to high school together. She twirled flaming batons. He stood around with a bucket of water - just in case. That is why you can trust him to fight terror. He is not afraid of danger. Back when he had hair, Lynne could have flubbed her baton routine and set it on fire. He did not flinch.
If I were Charlie Coyote, I would be careful not to go outside when the Vice is around. Besides carrying a water bucket for a baton twirler and attacking the enemies of freedom, he goes hunting with his friends and shoots them in the face. I do not imagine that the Vice would like a pet coyote or Lassie, even. He has too many other things on his mind like his quadruple bypass and fixing up the bomb shelter on a crummy millionaire's budget.
Go here to see The Daily Coyote: http://dailycoyote.blogspot.com
December 02, 2007
Moose Cut the Cheese
My blog is for families. I do not allow swearing, we always say "under God" in the Pledge, and Merry Christmas, not Happy Holidays. But this story is very important. So send the kids to bed, and read on.
In Norway the national animal is causing global warming. That is because they eat chili and fried cauliflower au gratin. Lots of it. And then, guess what.
Norway is a liberal country. They do not have character. They let their moose run around passing gas, and then they blame the American People for driving their cars and turning on the a.c. when it is 119 in the shade.
Al Gore did not say one little thing about this in his inconvenient movie. He wants you to be a vegan and eat only broccoli and beans, though. What does that tell you?
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