Theodore

This column is about Ted.  He was a one-eyed gray cat that used to live with us.  He ran away, and it broke the boss' two-timing heart.

Ted was born in a turkey box, because his mother was a homeless, free-loading tramp that the boss said could eat, sleep and play at our house.  She played, all right.  Three kittens later ...

Ted's brother was Seamus.  We called him that because he could not help himself from snooping into everything including the upright freezer which he got shut in.  Good thing Miss Manager decided to add more blueberries to the cake she was baking, or Seamus would have been a catsicle.  Total dope.

Ted caught a cold when he was a kitten.  His mother moved him around, because she did not trust yours truly, and so she took him outside, only it was cold.  So Ted got an eye problem from the cold, and he had to have surgery.  The doctor operated on him, and Ted came back with only one eye.

Everybody at the doctor's office wanted to adopt him.  He had "personality." Well, we spent a lot of money on this Ted, so, naturally, we wanted to get our money's worth.  He learned how to catch mice and play with a spool of thread from the sewing machine.  When the boss was sewing.

He never got in trouble or got yelled at.  "Teddy Bear, my Sweetie Pie. "  "Come here, Ted.  I have a filet mignon for you."  "Ted, would you like to sleep on the pillow?  Is it soft enough for you, Ted?"

This went on for quite some time.  We named him Teddy Bear because management said that there were a lot of real good teddy bears with only one eye.  This is the type of discussion the people around here have.  And I have a business to run.

He was homely, just plain gray, not one stripe or spot anywhere except a splotch of white on his stomach which you could not see unless he was sprawled out somewhere snoring, and his tail curled up like a question mark - as if he would know.  He would not get even one point in a cat show, yet to hear some people, you would think he was Leo the Lion himself.

Ted ran away and did not come back.  Maybe he joined the navy or something. 

Comments

[Daliwood]

Arthur, I've been bogged down at work and only recently found the time to read your blog again. You've been blogging up a storm in my absence. So many good articles, and all of them with your common-sense take on complex subjects.

I once lived with a Ted. Three actually. One was born with an eye defect and was blind in one eye, partially sighted in the other. The second Ted was snoozing in the tall grass by the road one day (avoiding responsibility) when the city mower ran over him and did some serious damage to his rear legs. (These kinds of things seem to happen a lot in the South.) Lastly, the third Ted had a nasty fever as a kitten and grew up to be a good-natured but nerve-damaged retard.

Our home became a rehab/halfway house for this menagerie of the lame and blind. No expense was spared and no food was too expensive for the Teds. No offenses were ever punished--a hairball deposited on the carpet, a broken vase, paw prints in the Jell-O--everything was excused. There was talk in the family of an expedition to some Mayo Clinic for cats, but the local vet decided the treatments wouldn't be successful.

Meanwhile, the family's canine companion could see what was going on. Like you, however, he was too gracious and too socially prominent to make a fuss. He even allowed them to eat his food when they were pretending they hated the gourmet selection that had been presented to them.

I think there must be a moral in the story of all the Teds in the world. Maybe it has something to do with the inadvisability of going to the vet.

[ArthurCorgi]

Hello, D.!

I hardly ever use the exclamation mark in my writing, as you know. I am so happy that you did not quit reading my blog.

As to cats named 'Ted.' Do you think that the cat lovers have a secret pact or something? Or maybe your associates did not know that it is OK - I'm OK, You're OK - to name a cat something besides Ted?

Today it is cold where I am. I have two (2) blankets. One is a fleece number, and the other is an old Army blanket which we cut in two. I suppose the government would have a fit, but the Boss thought it was an ugly color. In these matters it is best not to argue with her.

Also I am having oatmeal with raisins. Later - soup with round steak.

Possibly a biscuit or two - with butter.

And I must finish my new column.

Ta.