Elaine Meinel Supkis
We are supposed to celebrate 9/11 by reliving that day. So I decided to hold a seance tonight and summon up the spirits of Bush, bin Laden and the Pet Goat and ask them why they teamed up to bring us 9/11: the PNAC Pearl Harbor.
"The Pet Goat" is the story of a girl's pet goat which eats everything in its path. The girl's parents want to get rid of the goat, but she defends it. In the end, the goat becomes a hero when it butts a car robber into submission. A sample passage:
A girl got a pet goat. She liked to go running with her pet goat. She played with her goat in her house. She played with her goat in her yard. But the goat did some things that made the girl's dad mad. The goat ate things. He ate cans and he ate canes. He ate pans and he ate panes. He even ate capes and caps.
Many Bush supporters point out that according to The Washington Times correspondent Bill Sammon, Bush's Press Secretary Ari Fleischer was in the back of the classroom holding a pad on which he had written "DON'T SAY ANYTHING YET."
Aha! I have captured you in the etheral spaces, Bush! Knock me over with a feather, but according to all the stories, you seem able to read simple messages and stories for little children. How did you manage this?
I always follow instructions. My aides tell me what to do and what to say. I then babble like a total idiot. This is deliberate. Can't fool some of the folk some of the time if I talk like some in-too-lectual. I knew America was under attack so I didn't say anything. See?
I didn't send a video with the 'Bin Laden Determined To Attack In USA' memo. I forgot Bush can't read very well. My followers think we should make cartoons. Seems Americans like cartoons. We hate cartoons. I believe the human figure should not be shown except for beheadings. This makes good TV watching. Very popular.
I make cartoons. And I suppose more than one person wishes to behead me, too. I remember the aftermath of 9/11: when us bloggers discovered the hither-to hidden videos of Bush goofing off, reading about a goat while thousands of Americans were killed, we were outraged. I remember how we contacted all the media in America, all the major TV stations, news media, newspapers and magazines.
Not one of them would look at the video or publish it or show the entire stupid thing. Not one! And it was removed from online as the government sought to cover it up! And even today, outside of a few of us, very few people saw the entire tape, only fragments of it exist. We know you, Bush, not only goofed off, you refused to leave the schoolroom and instead, schmoozed with the teachers and chatted with the press in only after a while, ambled into a side room with a TV set showing thousands of people dying and there, you sat down and took dictation as to what to say. As you were writing, the towers collapsed. You showed no alarm or interest, even. Meanwhile, millions of people across the planet were screaming in horror.
Good Evening, everyone. I come when summoned. I am so glad Bush loves to read about goats. He also loves to call me on his private 'phone'. He knows my number: 322-666-9111. He first called me when he was lying in the coffin at the Skull and Bones Crypt at Yale. He knows I am also the Devil that is Death and on that day, he was very glad to see I was quite capable of fulfilling my side of our contract.
Yo, long time no see! Hehehe. You see, I was unpopular until America was attacked and then I was popular and could pass more tax cuts for my buddies and me and we made out like bandits with our wars. And we will have more wars because my old family friend here, bin baby, is going to make sure America is good and scared. Right, little buddy?
Everything is going as planned, Allah willing. America is going bankrupt, it is unpopular with a billion followers of the Prophet and we will ride into Mecca in good time, thanks to the tireless efforts of our good family friend in the White House. We couldn't ask for better service. America will be utterly destroyed! I am estatic with joy.
Hehehe. Bush is happy and bin Laden is happy and so of course, I am deleriously happy. Watching the battle over the coming 9/11 Disney TV show is making me very happy. I just hope Disney allows me to make a speech, too, in the middle. After all, this is totally my sort of business.
Disney still hasn't contacted me in my cave concerning my speech. I demand equal time. Fair is fair. None of this would have happened if I hadn't done all the legwork. I am, after all, much more popular than Bush is, so I should not only get to make a longer speech but get top billing, too.
Bush, after blowing up frogs when a wayward youth, do you realize millions of Americans think you blew up the WTC buildings too? I know this is a strange notion, but there it is: you aren't just unpopular, you are being held responsible for the destruction of the Towers.
I must admit, I am truly grateful at least one person here believes that the Devil is responsible for all bad things happening. I am the ultimate evil-doer. But in cases like this one here, I have been surpassed. Both of these guys have beat me and this is causing me no small amount of pain. What do I have to do to fix this? Seriously, I intend to complain to God about this. He better give me a break here.
So goodnight and goodbye. I won't be watching TV any time soon. Thank you.
Click on image to enlarge