Elaine Meinel Supkis
Our government was taken over by a bunch of wild, out control monkeys. They have launched wars, tore up our Constitution and in general, destroyed everything they could get their hands on! Today, the news in India is about a monkey troop that killed the deputy mayor of New Delhi. Seems that Bush's relatives are menacing governments across the planet. The evolution of monkeys versus humans is very interesting. We are supposed to be more clever than they. But in many ways, we aren't.
The deputy mayor of the Indian capital Delhi died on Sunday after being attacked by a horde of wild monkeys.
SS Bajwa suffered serious head injuries when he fell from the first-floor terrace of his home on Saturday morning trying to fight off the monkeys.
The city has long struggled to counter its plague of monkeys, which invade government complexes and temples, snatch food and scare passers-by.
I once knew a monkey, Little Elmo. A friend's brother bought him via a comic book ad back in the early 1960's when it was still legal to sell wild animals to children via comic books. This was an Amazonian squirrel monkey. He had big ears, big, black eyes, tiny hands and feet, a prehensile tail and his fur was more green than yellow.
Little Elmo hated being in a cage and loved running wild. He was very good at opening his cage when the time was right. Because I can speak monkey language (a skill I have used many times over the years) he loved to chat with me. Back then, I could do the squeaky sounds really well. Little Elmo decided he was in love with me, he being very male and prone to show off his equipment when I was around.
One time, he flung his cage door open when I was eating spaghetti and landed on my dish and then began to swing it wildly about like whips. How can a girl resist such ardor? He loved swinging from the draperies and then flying to my arm where he would show his masculine joy with a lot of wetness. All I had to do was cluck to him and cheep. When I went to college, he thought I betrayed him. He escaped and went looking for me. The police were summoned. He jumped on a cop, tore off his hat and proceeded to bite him on the ear. They shot him dead.
So my great love was the victim of police brutality.
I no longer have monkeys in love with me, just my husband. I hope he doesn't bite a cop's ear. The news in India are interesting to me because monkeys are supposed to be stupider than humans. But they aren't all that stupid, they just think on a different track. The human species evolved to work together and to be so clever, we could figure out ways of hunting and killing monkeys or at least, put them in cages. The battle between humans and the rest of our relatives is nearly as bloody as the wars we wage against each other. Humans lost their fangs and prehensile tails but had bigger and bigger brains. We used these things to work together to terrorize all living things. We figured out how to use rocks and sticks in novel ways. We hunted using these things. Even ferocious group fighters like the baboons had to learn to fear tribes of humans.
But in modern times, humans are no longer seen as a tribal force by the monkeys. For example, in the battle between the deputy mayor and the monkeys, they knew he was alone so they ganged up on him. Monkeys can move with tremendous speed. The evolved this, running away from humanoids. They learned to be clever and to exploit opportunities whereby they could get food or other things from isolated humans. It is very odd, but if a human acts like a monkey in front of monkeys, they really are impressed and don't treat them as humans. Which is how sucessful humans hunted these creatures. Ever call wild turkeys? I can. They can't believe their eyes when the human making the, 'Weep*weep*weep', call is not shaped like a forelorn turkey hen.
Wild monkeys that no longer fear humans are very dangerous as we can see from this story. They can fly through the air, tear at things with their hands, steal stuff and rip things apart. They have very sharp teeth. But in India, no one can stop them due to the human mind: monkeys are viewed as humans in a previous life, most often, thieves and con artists, etc. I hope people making money while hiding on various tax haven islands figure this out: they are the monkey troops in India in the future.
From the BBC:
One approach has been to train bands of larger, more ferocious langur monkeys to go after the smaller groups of Rhesus macaques.
So, the weaker, smaller monkeys will be replaced by bigger, toothier, nastier monkeys? In Africa, the gorillas and chimps are being hunted down by humans with guns and eaten. Cannibalism is not far outside our genes, indeed, we have very strong cannibalistic tendencies which is why we need prohibitions on eating our own children or other family members. Gorillas lived for generations in the jungles without worry but the invention of guns meant their doom just as it did to the ferocious grizzlies in North America.
Anyway, replacing the present monkey population with ones that are even nastier would be a very bad idea. Also, there is this iron rule of nature: invasive populations always flourish and replace their rivals due to lack of competition from higher-ranked predators. Tigers could eat these monkeys but they also eat humans, for example. In American cities, for example, we got rid of the overwhelming pigeon populations by protecting hawks and eagles. I see hawks flying about the center of the biggest cities, swooping down on not only pigeons but rats. Hooray.
Eagles hunt monkeys. But they also hunt other things humans don't want them to hunt so I don't see them being brought into Delhi and more than tigers, lions and bears.
Officials in the northern Indian state of Himachal Pradesh may have a solution to the problem of an over abundance of monkeys - export them to Central Asia.
Officials in the state see urban monkeys as little more than nuisances who pester passers-by and steal food.
Himachal Pradesh has one of the largest monkey populations in the country - nearly a quarter of a million, according to the latest count last year.
The problem with exporting them was, the competition for resources was lessened so the lower status mothers were able to reproduce. Any animal population, if you ship out large numbers, happily reproduce even faster. The niche must be filled! And humans don't occupy the exact same niche as monkeys. They are up high, we tend to be on the ground. The interface in the past was, we hunted and ate them. If this cease, they take over more area within their niche. And of course, they compete for food and the food they like are much the same as our own food.
We see this with sea gulls. If they live around tourists and if the tourists feed them or leave lots of food in trash baskets or on the ground, the gulls soon learn to not be afraid and will soon literally swoop down and snatch food right out of people's hands. On the internet was that funny video of a gull in England stealing bags of chips from a store, regularly. In Seattle, there were gulls that would hang out next to this pizza place. If anyone eating outside moved even slightly away from their slices, the gulls would swoop in and snatch the entire slice. I knew someone who saw the gulls try to make off with an entire pizza and its box this way.
I once rescued a baby crow. The parents dive bombed me every time they saw me. Eventually, the baby grew up in our kitchen and became very adept at doing things with kitchen tools. He even tried using the electric can opener to open cat food cans, his favorite. When wild animals interface with civilization, they become very bold, very fast.
Thousands of monkeys are invading government buildings in Delhi, forcing employees to arm themselves with sticks and stones in case they are attacked.
At least 10,000 monkeys are creating havoc in the Indian capital by barging into government offices, stealing food, threatening bureaucrats and even ripping apart valuable documents.
Monkeys invading government offices in 2001. Seems that year was a key year for them. The Year of the Monkey King. In the US, a gang of baboons led by a howler monkey took over the White House and our government with disasterous results.
Can we ship these monkeys to Central Asia? Would Putin and the Iranians allow this? No? And would Pakistan survive this? Or maybe we should bring in really big monkeys or apes to drive out the present ones occupying the White House?
Or just impeach these monkeys?