Living with the Pentagon, most of Arizona gets to enjoy lots of UFO hysteria. On top of this, pesky students and kids like myself like to launch UFOs, too. This is in the news yet again, time for aliens and outerspacy goofy stuff. They want our LEADERS!!!
(CBS4) PHOENIX, AZ Nearly a decade after the highly publicized ‘Phoenix Light Phenomenon’, more strange lights have appeared in the night sky over downtown Phoenix.
Tuesday night, mysterious lights lit up the western skies over Phoenix and soon after, phones began ringing off the hook at radio, television and police stations from witnesses wondering what the lights were.
The Yuma Marine Base claims it has the answer. Base officials said the amber-colored flares came from training flights on the Goldwater Gunnery Range. They went on to explain that the amber flares are used as targets.
I knew University of Arizona mining engineering frat students who used to build UFOs. They would use a weather balloon bought at the local military sales at Davis Monthan, attach a platform with a car battery and put on disco revolving lights and then launch this at night over Tucson and then watch TV and listen to the radio, laughing like crazy. Better than drinking a keg of beer. Yah.
The Watcher and Wizard are no more but the tradition of people flipping out over 'mysterious' lights continues. Arizona, having many military bases, is a great place for 'seeing' these mysterious lights in the sky. When rockets are lofted from Edwards Air Force Base, the setting sun would set them alight and the phones would ring in Phoenix and Tucson like it was the End of Times and not the vapor trail of yet another rocket.
Ditto other military bases.
I once was speaking at an SF convention. I said, 'I want to introduce you to space aliens!' and then hauled out a mirror. Everyone laughed but this didn't stop the infantile, silly beliefs that shiny lights=aliens from outer space.
Even as I tried to trigger sane logic, I failed. "Why in the names of Chthulu would aliens flash lights at us when trying to sneak around?" failed to stop the flood of "Look! Aliens are flashing lights at us! We are being invaded!" nonsense.
I always assumed that aliens capable of sneaking into our own atmosphere would be smart enough to hide themselves and not be tempted to turn on the lights, full blast, at night. On the other hand, maybe they are galactic teens teasing us for a hoot.
Can't blame them. They now can cease hacking the net and downing the servers and relish the panic and hysteria they cause by flipping on and off the highbeams on dad's space saucer. I hope humans are capable of logic. I presume aliens are logical.
These attempts at spooking humans isn't doing any good. Seems no one has kidnapped our leaders after flipping on and off the lights. Indeed, maybe we could arrange for this to happen more frequently. Maybe we could make a deal with these space alien teens to kidnap ALL our rulers! At once! Don't hold them for ransom. Just take them away. Far, far, far away.
None of this kidnapping of stupid drivers on back country roads. None of this kidnapping of sleep-walkers who own little and know nothing. Nope. Go for the gold. Then the alien teens can send us a message: 'We will feed your leaders to our space dogs who have tentacles and tiny but very sharp teeth.'
We can then negotiate the TV rights for broadcasting on cable. And of course, they could film it with their telephones. That would work. You Tube could carry it and they can get 20% of the advertising revenues. But then, they will be competing with the internet hackers and al Qaeda. This could lead to warfare as they all try to undermine each other.
Total chaos. This could lead to WWIV. Someone better alert Bush. He needs to polish his resume.