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I had severe Asperger syndrome until I was about 24 years old. I would come home from high school at noon, having given up trying to function there. I could read anything, but the motor chaos of severe dyspraxia meant that I was totally unable to write a sentence. I could talk. But the motivations of others were an absolute total mystery to me. So childhood simply did not happen for me.

At about 24 years, I at random, dropped into this 'free school' store-front place, where this uber-freak Jewish genius started teaching me what he was studying at Columbia, category theory. Very abstract math. He had the highest math SAT score ever recorded, and they said he might be the most intelligent person there ever was. He was into Lao Tzu, and Chinese divination and vaguely, shamen. He managed to trick me into believing an impossible thing, which caused my hyper-logical autistic world to collapse, with the help of mescaline. I rapidly began to understand other people — even in ways that others could not begin to. I walked into the huge maw of a giant dragon that landed in the road and blocked all the traffic. I had to, since it is always insane to try to run away from dragons. There was a rock and roll band that I had started living with inside the dragon, and they welcomed me home.

I think my Jewish genius 'guru', who sort-of accidentally turned me into a shamen, kind-of disliked me, because I could do things he could not really begin to do, even with his 300 whatever IQ. He struggled miserably to invent some new math theory so he could finish his dissertation. I had already 'salvaged' a half-dozen new math theories with no effort to speak of. I am not ridiculously intelligent, but it doesn't matter at all, since I do not think anymore. I just use the savant syndrome to instantly know things. My 'guru' died, basically because his ego was much too enormous to be sustainable. That's a very hard way to go.

So when I need to do something, like read about advanced logic, or invent logics that the rest of you will not get to for 2000 more years, I just read, or ask heaven, and in a few days, it all just comes to me. Remember that scene in Star Wars where Luke Skywalker castigates Han Solo 'cause his supposedly 'fast' Millenial Falcon is losing space to advancing Imperial attackers? He tells Luke it not fast in that way. Then the hyperspace jump kicks in, the stars become streaks, time halts, and they are to the other side of the galaxy when it starts again. That's savant syndrome. I lives rather comfortably with shamen, since shamenic transformations tend to be instantaneous. I have thrown myself at life. Done stuff that some might view as even criminal. Taken over a commune that was run by petty hippie-aristocrats and incorporated it and thrown out tenants. Etc. This has been part of my personal mission to travel where none have gone before.

So now I am stuck with a half-dozen new natural systems about math and natural systems of language that I could just pour out onto the internet. But I blog at the political Big Blogs, mostly to remind myself that these mental midgets exist would only exploit my findings to torture each other.

I think I'm leaning toward just unloading all the stuff and letting the cards fall where they may. The political maggots have already mucked up the world to a point where any change could hardly make things any worse. But I go back and forth.

Thanks for hearing out my strange little mini-autobiography. In return, a pearl of wisdom. The universe is neither good nor evil — not even slightly — all judges are fools — wisdom is the in the epiphany that this world all is utterly uncanny. Trust me on this. Of course, with the shamenism and all — you get no guarantee that I won't fool you!

Elaine Meinel Supkis

Asberger's syndrome: it runs in my family quite heavily. I know a lot about that way of thinking, way of life.

'Seeing' things as a whole rather than parts is a skill which could be called 'shamanist' or 'magical'. The intersection of numbers and magic is the root of all calculations and understanding of the laws of nature. The uncertainty that swarms around science is where the richest thinking lies, there is no black and white but everything is inside out and upside down.

The obvious is occult.

And many of us used hallucinagetic drugs to discover this. It certainly beats being hit by lightning bolts!

Troubled people are usually creative people which is why so many, if you read their stories, are really queer sorts just as many of the readers of this blog: we are freaks, you know.

And as a big-time Freak, I assure you, we are a community, we have a lot of great facets to our existence and we can be annoying as hell so what the hell.

This is why I say, join Pegasus on Mt Olympus for one of his cheese and wine parties. He has a lot of great friends up there.


Great article again, Elaine!

I too have always been against using children to make money, but it has become rampant in our culture today.

However, I confess that I was actually shocked to see the young girl of the dead crocodile hunter on Inside Edtion one night, standing on a red carpet posing for thousands of photographers. She had a huge smile on her face and did not seem to be in mourning at all. It was eerie. She said something about how she was going to save the world or do great things because of her father.

They then interviewed her mother, who was dressed to kill, and asked her how she was "holding up". It was like a scene out of Gone with the Wind, where the widow goes to a ball while "mourning" the death of her husband.


About 20 years ago, I was kidnapped (for want of a better word) as an adult by a man I considered a friend. I knew him as David, but I found out later that he had escaped from a state mental hospital, stolen an identity, and been admitted to the grad school (on forged transcripts) I was attending. It was a horrible experience, and I couldn't figure out a way to escape. Finally, he had kind of a breakdown in front of me, and let me go.

Because I had the mental and emotional resources of an adult, I was not deeply scarred by the experience, although I certainly didn't come out of it unscathed. I can see now how children, lacking the perspective acquired with age, could react to an abduction by wanting to stay captive. Ironically, they see freedom in that kind of captivity--it's forever summer. They do not see the damage it can do. That's why--and I'm not trying to be funny--I have always hated the corporate slogan, "I don't want to grow up. I'm a Toys 'R' Us kid." And similarly, that's why I love the bumper sticker, "Why be born again when you can just grow up?" People who don't want to grow up can become psychos, religious nutcases, or neocons.

I've learned how much I love freaky, quirky people. I complained to a therapist once years ago that I felt like I never fit in. She replied, "Good God, why would you want to fit in with most people? Your differentness is wonderful. Celebrate it. Cultivate it. Cherish it. It's what makes you you."

Blues, a fascinating bio. Please let us know if you ever write a longer one. I'd like to read it. Personally, I hope the freaks are going to inherit the earth, and I suspect you'd have some good advice on how to get us there.

Elaine Meinel Supkis

Thank you, Daliwood. Blues always interests me. I figure people let out bits and pieces and we all learn together. Life is all about healing while taking wounds at the same time and I know you have been wounded in ways that are very personal, ways that I dare not even think of for myself.

Yet we all go on with our lives. All the loved ones of those 24 dead soldiers killed yesterday are now plumbing the depths of despair. Their children/husbands/brothers/fathers have been kidnapped by a sick psychopath who worships the Devil that is Death. Which is why I always say, Arrest Bush! Now.


I'm gay, so don't think I'm coming onto you, but you look incredibly hot in your artwork that accompanies this post. Your image in the mirror is downright gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. Beauty and brains are a combo made in heaven (or maybe Mount Olympus).

Elaine Meinel Supkis

Sex is all in the head. Both of them. Heh.


"... my parents were confused about what to do with me so they figured freezing me out would protect them emotionally."

Poor kid... you deserved a lot better treatment than that.

Elaine Meinel Supkis

Well, in some ways, I think it was better than being coddled. I grew up really tough. This means life's blows are like water off a duck's back.

School of hard knocks and all that rot. Heh.

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