Money Matters: SPQR Hedge Fund One Stupid Hell Puppy

Elaine Meinel Supkis

Everyone is talking about the stupid rich hedge fundie who lost his expensive car in London. But I found other facets of this story much more amusing. Namely, the name of his hedge fund, SPQR. Mr. Bertrand Dex Pallieres is a funny man with a past worth poking into. I also sent him a stupid email. Maybe he will hire me to fix his stupid web page. Rich hedge funds that can't produce a simple web page deserve to die a terrible death, torn apart by hungry hell terriers.

From the Independent:

Most people who spend £80,000 on a car tend to be rather precious about its whereabouts and safe keeping. But not if you are Bertrand Des Pallieres. Yesterday it emerged that the 39-year-old hedge-fund tycoon took three months to collect his Maserati Cambiocorsa after it was towed away for not having a valid tax disc. Despite repeated calls from the DVLA to reach him Mr Des Pallieres said that he was "too busy" setting up a new business to fetch his car.

When workers from the DVLA towed Mr Des Pallieres vehicle from Lowndes Square in Knightsbridge, London, to a pound in White City the Parisian millionaire's car had already accrued 65 congestion charge penalties and dozens of parking fines.

By the way, here is the SPQR car rental people who can save Mr. Bernard some trouble!

Here is the hero of this story getting a banking award of all things!

As usual, whenever a hedge fund hell hound howls nearby, I track it to its hell hole to see how it lives. As per usual, this one is a classic: like when Citadel decided to sell themselves on Wall Street but were too lazy to finish their stupid web page, so it is here: these clowns are too confused, bezelbubbed and bebothered to finish fixing up a web page! Every teen knows you have to have a web page before you go off seeking customers! How stupid can these guys be? Would you trust them with a penny?

SPQR's home page, HAHAHA.

A classic. These hot rod hell hedge puppies are funny. I once spent an entire day setting up this web page. Then I spent another 3 days fine-tuning it. These guys launched their battered little pirate ship how long ago? In May? And in all that time, they couldn't spend a couple of bucks on some college kid to fix them a working homepage? HAHAHA. Give these goofy incompetents some money to invest!

If I were an investor, I would throw these clowns in the trash if they came seeking my money. Indeed, the more I learn about them and their stupid organization, I vaccilate between laughing to death and wanting to spank them all on my knee while NOT wearing high heels.

From the Independent:

Mr Des Pallieres left Deutsche Bank with two colleagues in April to set up his own company, the SPQR hedge fund. Now worth £170m, his fund manages investments in debt markets. Yesterday, he claimed that the stress and workload involved in setting up his own firm were to blame for his forgetfulness. He said: "I can understand how people might find this quite strange but it was always my intention to pick it up. I only ever use the car in the summer and this summer I have hardly been in London."

Maybe he has Alzheimers? Maybe he is a drunk? Maybe he is a fraud? Maybe he should be arrested! As an old con man, shouldn't he be examined by the cops? Hello, Scotland Yard! This guy is worse than gypsies cheating people on roof repairs. He isn't just losing cars, he is probably losing lots of money. I bet most of it is lost when he fumbles it into his bottomless wallet. Well, he won't be arrested, maybe he will sail off to some pirate cove to live. But right now, he wants to be a playboy only he is a Playboy Dust Bunny.

This goofy rip off artist has someone who is supposed to be helping him with his one-page web page that has only three email addresses as the entire content:
How much does he pay for this stupid service that he doesn't need? Does anyone in his cheap-o organization realize they are paying for a service they don't need because they don't have a web page?

Know All Media:

I kind of felt sorry for him so I offered some help.

I could use the money for upgrading the computers and getting a bigger Wacom pad for the cartoons. I don't expect him to answer. He is probably too busy chasing his own tail.

From Gazettes Online:

I found his documents applying to be a professional rip off artist. If he lost his copy, he can get it here. I also have copies of other stupid things he did in the past. I hope he appreciates this considering his poor mental health condition.

Here is one of his buddies, Jason. Seems he attracts people of like mind. This kid is very young but very eager to learn how to be a con artist from the Big Boss. Note his favorite books and movies.

Friendster media:

I hope Jason notes a trend here. When things go bad, young, brash, foolish men seeking to make a quick buck can end up in the can, in jail, in trouble. If you hang out with really nasty adults who can't behave themselves, you end up in the POUND, little puppy. Remember this lesson! Prisons are filled with eager puppies hoping to make it big in the Mafia.

Feature: June 2003 | Volume16/No6

New angles
Accounting fears drive structured credit initiative

Prompted by fears that new accounting standards may prevent banks recognising credit correlation trading revenues, JP Morgan Chase and Morgan Stanley have accelerated development of a structured credit component to their suite of Trac-x credit indexes. ‘Tranched Trac-x’ will take the form of a standardised tranched derivatives contract linked initially to the US Trac-x portfolio, and will be launched simultaneously with the rest of the suite in July 2003, with European products expected to follow.
*snip*

Given the competitiveness and suspicion that divides leading dealers, a solution might have taken far longer to emerge had it not been for the bombshell of Emerging Issues Task Force (EITF) 02-03. According to this hotly debated proposal by the US Financial Accounting Standards Board (FASB), banks filing earnings statements under US Generally Accepted Accounting Principles rules will have to use accrual accounting for parts of their trading portfolio not valued using ‘observable market data’.

For a book of synthetic CDO tranches and basket default swaps priced using default correlation estimates, that could prevent trading revenues being recognised for periods of up to 10 years. “The pressure has been very much from the accounting people,” says Bertrand des Pallieres, co-head of global structured credit at JP Morgan Chase. “The priority has risen because it’s too important for the business side not to front-load the process at this point,” he adds.

This is from nearly 4 years ago. They were just beginning to cook up all these fanciful, deceitful little creatures, the 'Tranchasaurus Xes'. These carnivorous monsters are now stomping all over the earth, destroying economies, eating banks and devouring investors! And who is responsible for creating and hatching these Gozillian Tranchasauri Xes? Why, the same clown we are talking about today! He is one of the MOTHERS of this MESS!

No wonder he is so befuddled. Confused by the monsters he birthed attacking him, he is rushing around the earth, sans his pretty Italian sports car, trying desperately to find someone stupid enough to buy his garbage. Well, if they log onto his web page, they better turn and leave as fast as possible. Or maybe work for the London Pound. Make good money, towing.

More history of dear Bertrand de Forget Me Car Not.

Separately, Bertrand des Pallieres, who left as global co-head of structured credit at JP Morgan in March, was rumoured on the verge of re-appearing at Deutsche Bank. Deutsche Bank declined to comment.

I once owned some Deutsche Bank, back in the distant past. Lately, I have noticed they have done increasingly stupid things and hiring this clown certainly cemented their fates! They are in serious trouble now thanks to their stupid personnel choices. And they wanted magic money! If anyone should understand the dangers of magic money, it should be the Germans! But they forgot! And in this act, set the world's banking system on a course to destruction just like 80 years ago! How could they forget?

Seems everyone is forgetting a lot of stuff. Where was I? Oh, yeah, about Deutsche Bank: their downfall started back when they sought to hire creepy men who have poor memory and bad morals. End of story. This will be etched on the marble above the entrance to their headquarters when they go under.

From Financial Careers:

“Credit derivatives people have been paid very variably this year,” says one headhunter specialising in the sector. “More than a few are interested in moving on.”

Suggestions of itchy feet coincide with a report in Derivatives Week that Deutsche Bank has lost another six traders and structurers from its London credit derivatives team. Three are said to be following in the footsteps of Paul Levy, co-head of credit structuring at Deutsche Bank, who left last week to join Merrill Lynch. The other three are understood to be leaving the industry.

The departures come despite reports that Deutsche was one of the better payers in this year’s bonus round.

However, the headhunter says low bonuses were not the issue at Deutsche. “Levy left because his scope to operate freely was reduced after Bertrand des Pallieres joined from JPMorgan last August,” he says. “Levy had an immense of latitude and an incredibly broad remit, and that was narrowed.”

Deutsche Bank declined to comment.

Other credit derivatives specialists looking to move may be less fortunate than Levy & co. when it comes to finding alternative positions. “Very few banks are building in credit derivatives right now,” says the headhunter. “There’s a lot of appetite for moving, but with margins in credit derivatives falling and the market turning down, the real question is whether anyone will be able to command any more money somewhere new.”

HAHAHA. Bertrand has some unpleasant facets to his past! Does this surprize anyone at this point? Looks like his departure from poor old Deutsche Bank wasn't due to him rising higher and higher but rather someone was probably rather desperate to get rid of him. I hope DB didn't use him to park cars or to run their web page.

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Comments

Oh, God. A Maserati. Caution: Opinion follows. Lousy cars. But expensive.

This gets worse and worse.

I see that JP Morgan, etc. used the discount window - - - very bad. So we can mention Countrywide and Morgan in the same breath ... I'm really afraid this might be it. Momentum and all ...

Alex Kotlowitz wrote a book about the Henry Horner Homes in Chicago called "There Are No Children Here."

I think the title to this book will be, "There Are No Grown-Ups Here." Seriously. The madmen working the levers absolutely know better - but the chance to ruin absolutely everything was too juicy to pass up.

Had to outplace anyone with a conscience or sense of restraint - - - and hire Gen Y quislings.

Will Chris Dodd convene a hearing of the Senate Banking Committee to investigate what the hell is going on?

Posted by: D. F. Facti | August 22, 2007 at 07:07 PM

Speaking of forgetting, you posted your address again Elaine. Unless of course you don't care anymore?

Posted by: Canuck | August 22, 2007 at 07:34 PM

Could I get a spanking....with heels ON?

Posted by: Blunt Force Trauma | August 22, 2007 at 08:28 PM

I send out my address all over the net. I don't worry about it all that much. The government knows where I live. So do upteen lawyers.

Blunt Force, my horse will tell you, a spanking from me is not to be taken lightly. But I can't wear my high heels right now due to the knee injury. So I might just toss a cat on your lap.

Posted by: Elaine Meinel Supkis | August 22, 2007 at 09:03 PM

I came across this article because i was looking for SPQR. What a useless waste of space this page is. If you've ever worked as hard as this chap, you'll realise that some things are more important and fair play to him if he has enough cash to not care about his car. If you're such a legend, maybe you should work a little harder at something more productive than this humorless page. Jealous idiot

Posted by: Guru | August 26, 2007 at 06:09 PM

I detect a bit of jealousy from the guy who's slating Bertrand.If I were you,i'd work a bit harder to focus on your job and things that really matter.Bertrand is a true example the material things are not always important.At least he's good at his job.And by the way all your years of working will never amount to what he spent to buy his car.So get a life!

Posted by: XENA | September 26, 2007 at 07:53 AM

Your absolutely right about Des Pallieres, the guy is a total moron; last time I heard him speak his utterance was just one long stream of garbled financial jargon which he obviously didn't understand, strung out in a meaningless bout of verbal diarrhea. how do you say moron in French?? what a freak. He's investing his own money, so far no one has be dumb enough to give him any but undoubtedly that will come - from some ex trader who is just as stupid about confusing luck with skill. Feel sorry for the rest of the bunch at SPQR, they're good people - at least they can take his money and retire...

Posted by: James | January 15, 2008 at 10:52 AM

I believe that the real stupid is you! You weren't even able to find a picture of Brtrand: the one you enclosed in this idiot page is of another man!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: italiana | February 29, 2008 at 05:16 PM

Je croi que tt ceux qui pensent ca ne le connaissent pas!!!!! moi je le connait et ce n est pas un clown mais quelqun de bien de genereux et d intelligent !!!! alors je pense que c est vraiment facile de critiquer mais pour ca attendait de le connaitre!!! et c est vraiment et ca a toujours était quelqun de très très occupé!!!

Posted by: .......... | September 07, 2008 at 11:30 AM