A Fairy Tale: The Good Ship 'Even Keel'

The Good Ship 'Even Keel'*

By Elaine Meinel Supkis

Once upon a time, some good folk were forced to flee a bad king. They went far away and while wandering in a dark forest, they came upon a mighty oak tree that rose straight to the heavens. 'Let us take down this great oak and use it for the keel of our new ship. We can then become merchants and sail the Seven Seas,' said one of the Wise Elders.

So they carefully felled the tree and hauled it to the shore. This was very hard work and they had to work together to do this. 'Let's not have a king, let us discuss what to do and then vote,' suggested a youngster. So they discussed this and voted to take turns doing the hard work, building the ship. Some went out to find some tall firs to use as masts. Others boiled pitch and tar to waterproof the ship. Still others forged the nails and anchor. The bellmaker cast a fine, bronze bell and they dubbed it 'The Liberty Bell.'

An artist from another land, inspired by the story of these intrepid shipwrights, came by and carved them a figurehead out of finest ash and they called her 'Lady Liberty.'

The ship was tugged and pulled into the sea and as it bobbed merrily in the bay, upright and balanced, the ship builders decided to name this boat, 'the Even Keel.' 'We will always be careful and not sink this ship but keep it well balanced with proper ballast and securing the cargo,' mused the one of the carpenters.

'Now we are ready to set sail,' announced the eldest. So they voted to choose a captain and off they sailed, everyone had a job to do from swabbing the decks to charting the course. This wonderful ship sailed up and down and all over the earth for many years. The people running it were very careful to scrape the hull, mend the sails and secure the cargo. The Purser sat down every voyage and every port and balanced the books, added up the sales and deducted the cost of the crew and maintenance of the ship and was very careful about this for the ship could not sail long if the books ceased to be balanced.

One day, the ship came to the biggest port in the Kingdom where the original folk fled after a terrible battle with the King. The King was long dead and now a Queen ruled there. Curious to see how things were, the Captain and the top officers went ashore and visited the Palace. They were awed by all the great works of art and gold leaf, the jewels and heavy velvet curtains and armies of servants in fancy uniforms. The Prime Minister chuckled and said, 'This is what you get if you stop all that silly talk about freedom and liberty. We are the world's greatest empire! And all bow to our Queen.'

After this visit, the ship argued about this. The seeds of lust and desire were awoken. The ship still was an Even Keel but the seas became a bit rougher and there was grumbling in the ranks when the Captain showed up wearing gold braid and taking snuff from an enameled and golden box given to him by the Queen.

A few days later, a ship flying the flag of the Empire caught up with USS Even Keel. 'Help us! Oh, save us, good people!' cried the captain of the HMS Slave Ship. 'The Kaiser has decided to destroy our Empire and we are now in a fight to the death and we need you as our allies!' The Captain of the Even Keel thought about it. The Purser said, 'Tell him, we will fight if they give us all the gold in the Queen's banks.'

The Imperial servant sniffed and coughed. But he had to say yes for all the other ships had already been sunk by the mysterious Dragon of the Deep that would suddenly rise out of the waters and swallow whole ships. The brave crew of the USS Even Keel kept their word and they defeated the Dragon of the Deep and saved the Empire. Now, with all the gold, they sailed away.

Now, please don't think this is the end of the story. There is something very strange about gold and power. The ship's Purser and the crew stowed the gold in a huge chest which they named 'Fort Knox' in honor of a previous captain. At first, all was well.

But then, no one could rest at night for all minds were turned to thoughts of using this gold to become nobles and kings. The memories of the visits to the heart of the Empire stirred desires to live like the Queen of all the world. Everyone began to plot to lay ahold of part of the hoard that was in Fort Knox. Slowly, the unity of the crew disintegrated. Addicted to fighting wars of conquest, the Captain raided the chest. To keep the crew addicted to battle, he handed out the gold even if they lost the wars they were fighting.

One day, the Purser went to the chest and opened it and was shocked to see most of the gold was gone. 'How could it disappear so rapidly?' he asked. The Captain said, 'I was told by the Exchequer of the Queen, that if we hand out pieces of paper and told the crew, this was money, they could use it to buy things and no one will be the wiser. The Queen herself, does this all the time.'

The purser agreed this might be a good idea. So the ship continued to sail the Seven Seas only it no longer sold goods but used these IOUs based on the treasure chest, to buy things. Discipline on the ship began to fall apart. Slowly, things got out of control and as the ship sailed, one could see the Even Keel was now listing to port.

Ever so slightly.

Then, one day, everyone discovered there were too many pieces of paper and they became increasingly worthless and the crew began to grumble and the ship fell apart further. The Captain called in the Purser and they thought and thought, how to fix this. 'Let us go to the Queen and ask her advice?' suggested the Purser.

So they went to the Queen. She was busy destroying the lives of all her daughter-in-laws and one even ended up dead, not that this bothers Kings and Queens who are famous for killing off close relations. She paused in this important life work to inform the two bedraggled men, how to make money while broke. 'I haven't balanced a book in hundreds of years!' she crowed. Her Exchequer smiled devilishly.

'It is quite simple,' he said. 'We run this pirate coves on Her Majesty's private islands. You pay no taxes, no one asks any questions and you can lie, cheat or steal and no one will be the wiser. All we ask is for 10% on your profits in your treasure chest!'

The Captain and Purser thought this was a fabulous idea. No longer did the good ship USS Even Keel sail the Seven Seas buying and selling honest goods. Now they were financial pirates and they used the new magical system shown to them by the Queen's Exchequer. By waving a wand over a pile of paper, they could say, 'Hocus pocus, let this be a loan!' and then they would give these to people so they could buy things. No longer did people use paper based on the value of the loot in the wondrous Fort Knox chest. Now they simply exchanged pieces of paper which were promises to pay back money no one owned in the first place!

But then, inflation raged. The fires of this inflation began to burn the good ship USS Even Keel. The keel itself was no longer cared for and scraped so it was riddled with worms. One day, a big storm came. 'Batten down the hatches!' yelled the Captain. But no one did this for the crew had rowed off with their pieces of paper to party at one of the gambling houses which now sprang up everywhere to soak up all this paper issued by the ship's traders.

The ship wallowed and shook. Waves washed over the prow. The Purser was frantic. 'Captain, we must right the ship!' he yelled as lightning flashed and the thunder roared.

The Captain said, 'I asked the Queen what to do if things went badly. She said, "Kill the Iranian Kitty Cat and pick a fight with the Chinese Dragon as well as the Russian Bear."' The Purser was stunned.

'But sir, they will kill us,' he shouted.

The Captain laughed. 'That's what the Queen said just before she was attacked by everyone and we had to save her.'

And so the good ship USS Even Keel, taking on water, sailed right into the center of the hurricane and was never seen again.

Comments

[Grizzled Adams]

Hi Elaine, I know you just made this story up, but it sure sounds familiar. Its like I'v lived it myself.

Griz

[DeVaul]

I think I will memorize this story and pass it on to my sons. It forms the basis of the rise and fall of our country, and even a child can understand it -- like all the other fairytales and legends we kept alive all these years.

There had to be a reason for it, and here it is. Like the simple stories of yore, there are no derivatives, no SIV's, no mortgage backed securities, no statistics and no Acts or Laws or Decrees. Just plain old truth boiled down to its essential elements.

Thanks, Elaine.

[Elaine Supkis]

GRIZ!

I am so tremendously happy to hear from you again! I hope you are doing well. I loved the old days when we all hung out together before they killed off our dear forums.

Thanks for visiting. And yes, this story sounds familiar. I used classic fairy tale techniques. They are a wonderful way to tell things. Simple, to the point, skip all the inbetween stuff. No time or place but everyone is Everyone. I didn't have a talking horse or fox, though. I think the next one should have talking animals.

[km]

Great parable, Elaine. You are a master of a currently socially undefined art. I'd only suggest one change: ship is listing to the the Far Starboard, not port!

[Henry Hub]

Oh boy! I love fairy tales. My favorite up to now has been the one told by Larry Kudlow. The one about the Goldlocks economy - "The greatest story never told". But it has now become too outlandish and unbelievable. Yours is better because it has the ring of truth.

[Elaine Supkis]

http://www.financialsense.com/fsu/editorials/2003/0317.html

Goldilocks, the Tax Collector, and the Three Taxpayers
by Elaine Supkis
March 17, 2003

Once upon a time there was this tax collector who believed in fairness so much, everyone called him Goldilocks. Goldilocks would skip through the forest, looking for tax revenues.

Deep in the forest was this lovely house and in it lived the Rich Taxpayer, the Middle Class Taxpayer and Little Poor Taxpayer. They were not home when Goldilocks, spotting the fine house from afar, came to the door. Since the house was empty, Goldilocks let himself in.

"I know what! I will fix everything here so everyone can live happily ever after!" thought Goldilocks. So he went into the kitchen and cooked breakfast for the three taxpayers. And this is what he did:

He served the Rich Taxpayer a big bowl of tax cuts.

He served the Middle Class Taxpayer a middle-sized bowl of tax cuts.

He took the little bowl of the Poor Taxpayer and ate up all the tax cuts and left him a bill for the meal.

He sat on the Rich Taxpayer's chair and said, "This chair is too hard," and so he put a tax shelter on the chair and made it more comfortable.

He sat on the Middle Class Taxpayer's chair and said, "This chair is too soft, let's increase Social Security payments and offset it with bigger child education."

He sat on the Poor Taxpayer's chair and it broke. He said, "Tough luck, pull yourself up by your own bootstraps."

Yawning, he decided to go to bed. The Little Poor Taxpayer came home and found his wife in bed with Goldilocks. "How dare you!" Little Poor Taxpayer sputtered.

"I couldn't help it. I had to go all the way," replied Goldilocks. "By the way, you are being audited this year."

[Hamburger]

Elaine,

Is it Wheaties or what?!
I want to eat what you eat. ;-)

[Rob the Granola Guy]

This is tremendous. I'm a moron when it comes to economics and have to have things spelled out very simply. You're a genius Elaine.

[Elaine Supkis]

To tell the truth, most of my writing occurs in my brain when I am mowing the hay fields, tilling the gardens, raking the chicken pen, mucking out the stall or putting shingles on roofs.

This is because the body is active but on automatic [trust me, you don't want to think about shit while shoveling it]. This frees the brain to wander about, poking at ideas and talking back. I argue with myself so much I should see a shrink, eh?

[blues]

You are a national treasure, Elaine! Thank you so much for all this fabulous stuff!

It astounds me that there are so many goofballs around who are so persuasive and influential. And they are idiots! Like Ron Paul. This guy may mean well, but so many of his ideas are so delusional that I cannot fathom how any fool could listen to them for more than ten minutes. It is really scary!

I have never made a lot of money. Jerks like Donald Trump make the big bucks. I have often wondered if I would too, if I were only willing to just go evil. Since we are so far ahead of the dunderheaded pack, perhaps we should just go evil and cash in. Should we not just incorporate Wolfen Inc., and eat up some of the stupid sheeple? (I think these dark thoughts late at night.)

[DeVaul]

I hope you do not go evil, Blues.

The temptation to take advantage of others is great when you are under pressure. I saw how my ex-wife did this and it was not just infuriating, it was very sad, because she was the mother of my sons and I knew they would some day wonder why I married her. What will I say?

She was not an evil person until she made the decision to be one.

It is the same for all of us. We are not born evil or good. We make the decision on our own when fate places us at the fork in the road that we must all face at some point. Whichever path we choose, there really is no going back.

The fates know this and even which path we will choose, but they still wish to be there for that supreme moment. Perhaps even they wonder if anyone can actually change their own fate, and so they fly with great speed to that moment -- and watch.

And they are not the only ones watching.

[Grizzled Adams]

Elaine
I read every thing you write on this blog. i just don't post much, but you are always someone I look forward to reading

Griz

[blues]

Don't worry DeVaul! I am not at all ready to go evil, yet. The wild notion just popped into my head, and I instantly knew it needed to be posted.

I have <>TONS of ideas about good, evil, ugly, etc. Hope to get around to posting them.